Thursday, June 17, 2010

Dear Husband, Part 3

On our one month wedding anniversary you had missed road crew so many times that you had the make up the time/finish the time in jail. I had hounded you to just finish your roadcrew, but again, you thought you were above the law. When you went in to talk with the court, they let you know that you needed to come spend a week in jail. It was horrible to see you go back to jail. I cried when you left. I didn't want to spend another week without you.
  C emailed me the night you went in. He always had a way of knowing exactly what was going on in my life, even when we didn't talk. He wanted to hang out, just as friends, that was the night we went to the lake. I honestly thought of leaving you, even after that, C and I talked on a pretty regular basis.
   I guess while writing to you, I skipped a few years or parts, because, I forgot the time that you and I separated, before we were married, years ago, when we had only been together a year or two. We went out to a race track, I had been drinking with friends, and a girl pulled you to the side saying Hi, I was oblivious to the actual conversation, and later she added you to her myspace. I didn't think anything of that either, we both had guy and girl friends. You told me that you two had been really good friends when you were younger. Again, I thought nothing. Your best friend A told me that you considered her "the one that got away", I started watching closer to the way you were acting, hiding your phone from view, texting more than usual, spending more time on the internet, picking more fights. After about a month, you and I got into a huge argument, about something that didn't matter, you moved your stuff out of the house, and within a week you had moved to another town 2 hours away with V. I was devastated. I wasn't sure what to do. You would call every so often to talk, mostly while she was at work, or sleeping or in the shower. It was horrible, and I hated every minute of it. I wanted you to come home, but after two weeks of being told you were not coming home, I quit taking your calls, and quit calling you. I went on with my life, did the school, work, life things, and was actually doing really well getting along. C and I started hanging out more and more. Spending the night together, and doing things the way life could have been together.
     I found out about three months after you left that I was pregnant. I didn't know if it was yours or Cs, I told you that I thought that I was pregnant, you were livid, you told me that if I had the baby that you would take it. About a month after I found out, I had stopped talking to you, still hadn't told C about the baby, when I started cramping, and bleeding. I went to the dr, and I miscarried. I was happy. It sounds horrible, but I was actually relieved. I didn't have to deal with the drama of it, anymore.
    I had stopped talking to you all together. I went out with friends, I hung out with anyone I wanted. I hadn't talked to you in a little over a month. I had planned a weekend away. I left town on a Friday and when I called on Sunday to check my voicemail, you answered the phone, you had been living with V for months, you had messed with my mind over and over again. I came home, and you were still there. We once again worked through things.


  1. Wow, you're relationship is pretty complex. Not that I'm saying all relationships aren't difficult but you're definitely takes the cake.

  2. Can't wait for #4. I hope this is cathartic.