Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Dear Husband, Part 2

While on the phone with your mom, I wanted to get to the bottom of it, you and I had slept together the night after we went to the coast, and I thought we were going to go somewhere relationship wise. I asked your mom for TM's number, I called her and told her everything about us. How we had already been together, and that we had been spending a lot of time together. You called in the middle of our conversation, and I told you I was talking to her, I don't know what you expected from me, if you wanted me to stay or go, or what. But I stayed. I thought that our relationship had potential, I should have seen that it had been doomed from the start.
    In December you asked me to officially be yours. We stayed together most nights, a few weeks into our relationship, you and TM met to go through old pictures, and you two kissed, you told me almost immediatly, I should have left, but I didn't. After I found out I got a text from C, he missed me. I starting talking to him, I miss him. He and I had been so close before you and I had started talking. You had things to do one night, and I stayed at home instead of at CJ's, that night I met up with C. It was amazing. He knows exactly the way to touch, talk, breathe, everything around me. You don't know the secrets he does. The things that I learned and love from him, things that you just don't know about me, and no matter how hard I try to show you what it could be isn't the same as him.
      We moved in together in Janurary, and we were good for a while. Off and on, if we were fighting, you would call TM, and try to spend time with her, I would talk to C, he was my go to person. We were good most of the time. Then after awhile the fighting got worse, TM was in our life all the time, she was apart of your family events, your sisters wedding, everything that we wanted to be apart of, and on top of that every time you and I would spend time apart from eachother you would call her. You weren't working, you didn't have your licence or a car to drive. I didn't know what I was getting myself into.
    I continued to talk to C on and off, and see him occasionally. Pretty soon the fighting turned from more than yelling, to screaming in my face, and within a year it had escalated into pushing me and shoving me. Within six months of that, the shoving turned to hitting, and slapping, and eventualy you put my teeth through my bottom lip, blackened my eye numberous times, covered my arms in bruises so many time that most of my clothes were long sleeved, and gave me more bloody noses than I can recall.
    Again I stayed. I would leave, and come back, always telling myself that you would change, that you didn't mean it, that things would get better. One night after you did all of the above to me, I left the next morning and walked into the police department, they took pictures, and reports, but did nothing. You came back into my life, sweet talked your way, made everything all better, and then you got pulled over for speeding months later and they took you to jail. I talked to C when you were in jail. I leaned on him, he told me to leave and never look back, to come and be with him. I faught for you through weeks of not being able to see you or speak to you on our own terms, you were not allowed within a 10 mile radius of me.
     I would sneak into your hotel room and spend a few hours with you. I remember the first night I did it, I hadn't seen you in weeks, and had only been able to talk on the phone. It was so nice to be back in your arms. I faught for you through your trial, I stood before people and told them that it had only happened once, that you had never done it after that, that we were in love and that we were getting married. They gave you the least amount of punishment possible. And then we got married...


  1. This whole thing makes me want to scream. If you are genuine I hope you are long gone like you should have been then. It is manipulation and it is shit. You are better than this, I just know it. Period.

  2. The draw cannot be explained. It is an invisible line that keeps you there. I know. You have to be strong enough to break it. That day will come if you keep looking at it through clear eyes and realize the tie needs to be undone.